A man went to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked: "What's wrong?"
The man replied: "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked "How can that be?"
The man then pleaded: "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offered: "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied: "Take the poison."
A Mexican, a Russian and a Frenchman arrive in hell when the devil appears in front of them. He says that to get out of hell, they must each complete three tasks: make love to a woman 100 times, kill a bear, and drink 100 shots of tequila.
The Frenchman, being French, decides to start with making love to the woman 100 times. He starts out well, but after a few hours he is too exhausted to complete the task and is thrown into lava.
The Russian, being Russian, decides to kill the bear first. Almost as soon as he enters the arena he is mauled to death.
The Mexican, being Mexican, decides to drink the 100 shots of tequila first. After downing the last one, he stumbles off to kill the bear.
Several hours later, he returns to Satan and says: "So where is this woman I have to kill?"
A young blond went on vacation to Louisiana. She wanted to buy a pair of nice alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high price in the shop.
After haggeling with the shopkeeper lead to no success, she snorted: "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get my pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
When the shopkeeper was driving home, he saw the blond standing waist-deep in the water waiting for alligators, with a shotgun in her hand. Suddenly an alligator approached her, and she killed it with only one shot. With great effort she carried the dead alligator out of the water. Several other dead alligators were lying nearby. The shopkeeper was amazed. The blond flipped the alligator on its back and cursed: "Damn it, this one isn't wearing shoes either!"
One day a farmer saw a man on the street and pulled up to his truck, and said: "Hey, do need any help?" "Well, my truck broke down and I was going to take this penguin to the zoo, do you think you could take him?" he asked.
"Sure!" the farmer replied, and took the penguin.
The next day the farmer ran into the guy he saw the last day. The man was shocked: "Uh, I thought you took that penguin to the zoo?!"
"I did, we had such a fun time we're going to the circus today!"