A young blond went on vacation to Louisiana. She wanted to buy a pair of nice alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high price in the shop.
After haggeling with the shopkeeper lead to no success, she snorted: "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get my pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
When the shopkeeper was driving home, he saw the blond standing waist-deep in the water waiting for alligators, with a shotgun in her hand. Suddenly an alligator approached her, and she killed it with only one shot. With great effort she carried the dead alligator out of the water. Several other dead alligators were lying nearby. The shopkeeper was amazed. The blond flipped the alligator on its back and cursed: "Damn it, this one isn't wearing shoes either!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette go to this fancy restaurant in Paris.
In the corner, they see a beautiful mirror. The manager says to them, "If you look at your reflection in the mirror and say something that is true, then you are granted one wish. But if you tell a lie, you disappear." The brunette wants to try so she walks up to the mirror and says, "I think that I am the most beautiful woman in the world!" She disappears. Then the redhead walks up to the mirror and says, "I think that I am the smartest woman in the world." And she disappears as well. Then the blonde walks up to the mirror, says "I think--" and disappears.
Kevin says to Jim, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm will do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Maggie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Maggie got pregnant again!"
Jim says: "So what you gonna do different this year?"
Kevin says: "This year, I'm taking Maggie with me!"
A priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist monk were talking about how they paid themselves every week after the worshippers donated to the temple, church etc.
The Priest: "I have a good method. I draw a circle on the ground, step in the middle and throw all the donated money up on the air. With the grace of God whatever falls in the circle is my salary and outside belongs to the church."
The monk: "How interesting, I almost do the same thing. But I believe what falls within the circle belongs to the monastery and outside is mine."
The rabbi chimes in: "Oh my God, we all think alike. I do the same thing. I draw a circle, get in the middle of it and throw all the donations in the air. What stays up in the air belongs to the temple and what falls on the ground is mine!"