A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, "Daddy, there's a monster in your bedroom." "There's a what?" "A monster. And he's hidden in mummy's wardrobe." So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried vainly to hide himself behind a rack of dresses. "Twenty years, you've been my friend," bellowed the husband, pulling his former friend out by the hair, "And the best thing you can find to do is frighten my little boy.
On Valentine's Day, a TV channel conducts a survey on relationships.
The reporter asks a pedestrian: "What would you wish your wife or your girlfriend for the future?"
The pedestrian answers: "I wish they will never meet!"
A frog visits a fortune teller. The fortune teller says: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is excited and says: "This is great news! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No!", answers the fortune teller, "Next semester in her biology class!"
Peter and John stole apples from their neighbour. They don't want to get caught, so they hide in the nearby mortuary. There, they want to split the apples, but they lose two in front of the door.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me", they mumble. The pastor's assistent hears the voices and runs to the pastor to inform him:"Reverend, reverend, I think the mortuary is haunted! God bargains with the devil on who gets the souls!"
The pastor can't believe it, but he agrees to go with his assistent. They hear the voices:"...one for you, one for me, one for you - that's all. Now let's go get the two outside!"