A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why? Of course!" comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, I graduated in '62. This is unbelievable!, the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender. "Nothing much...", replies the bartender, "...the twins are drunk again!"
A young blond went on vacation to Louisiana. She wanted to buy a pair of nice alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high price in the shop.
After haggeling with the shopkeeper lead to no success, she snorted: "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get my pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
When the shopkeeper was driving home, he saw the blond standing waist-deep in the water waiting for alligators, with a shotgun in her hand. Suddenly an alligator approached her, and she killed it with only one shot. With great effort she carried the dead alligator out of the water. Several other dead alligators were lying nearby. The shopkeeper was amazed. The blond flipped the alligator on its back and cursed: "Damn it, this one isn't wearing shoes either!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette go to this fancy restaurant in Paris.
In the corner, they see a beautiful mirror. The manager says to them, "If you look at your reflection in the mirror and say something that is true, then you are granted one wish. But if you tell a lie, you disappear." The brunette wants to try so she walks up to the mirror and says, "I think that I am the most beautiful woman in the world!" She disappears. Then the redhead walks up to the mirror and says, "I think that I am the smartest woman in the world." And she disappears as well. Then the blonde walks up to the mirror, says "I think--" and disappears.
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer!" she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he asked nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Is it your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."