Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
A llama, a penguin and a donkey are captured by the king. Whoever doesn't manage to make him laugh is going to be shot.
The llama is first. It tells jokes for hours, but doesn't get the king to laugh. Thereupon it is shot.
The penguin is next. He also runs with telling jokes, but he doesn't succeed, thus he is shot.
The donkey is next. As soon as he starts telling, the king bursts out in laughter.
The donkey is confused: "I haven't even finished my joke yet!"
The king: "I just figured out the penguin's joke!"
On Valentine's Day, a TV channel conducts a survey on relationships.
The reporter asks a pedestrian: "What would you wish your wife or your girlfriend for the future?"
The pedestrian answers: "I wish they will never meet!"
A frog visits a fortune teller. The fortune teller says: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is excited and says: "This is great news! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No!", answers the fortune teller, "Next semester in her biology class!"