A young blond went on vacation to Louisiana. She wanted to buy a pair of nice alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high price in the shop.
After haggeling with the shopkeeper lead to no success, she snorted: "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get my pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
When the shopkeeper was driving home, he saw the blond standing waist-deep in the water waiting for alligators, with a shotgun in her hand. Suddenly an alligator approached her, and she killed it with only one shot. With great effort she carried the dead alligator out of the water. Several other dead alligators were lying nearby. The shopkeeper was amazed. The blond flipped the alligator on its back and cursed: "Damn it, this one isn't wearing shoes either!"
One day a farmer saw a man on the street and pulled up to his truck, and said: "Hey, do need any help?" "Well, my truck broke down and I was going to take this penguin to the zoo, do you think you could take him?" he asked.
"Sure!" the farmer replied, and took the penguin.
The next day the farmer ran into the guy he saw the last day. The man was shocked: "Uh, I thought you took that penguin to the zoo?!"
"I did, we had such a fun time we're going to the circus today!"
The bear and the rabbit walk through the forest. Out of a sudden, a fairy appears and grants them three wishes each.
The bear thinks for a few seconds and says: "I wish that all bears in this forest were female!". The fairy performs a magic spell and the bear's wish comes true. The rabbit then wishes for a fast motorbike.
The bear, amazed by his first wish, wished that all bears in the country were female. The rabbit wishes for a motorcycle helmet.
The bear laughs at the rabbit's stupid wishes and wants all bears on the planet to be female. His wish as granted, the fairy asks the rabbit for his last wish.
The rabbit starts his motorbike, says "I wish that the bear was gay!" and drives away.
The son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.
The father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks: "Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"
The father replies: "I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!"