A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair and look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde picked one and got back into her car. Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
A Mexican, a Russian and a Frenchman arrive in hell when the devil appears in front of them. He says that to get out of hell, they must each complete three tasks: make love to a woman 100 times, kill a bear, and drink 100 shots of tequila.
The Frenchman, being French, decides to start with making love to the woman 100 times. He starts out well, but after a few hours he is too exhausted to complete the task and is thrown into lava.
The Russian, being Russian, decides to kill the bear first. Almost as soon as he enters the arena he is mauled to death.
The Mexican, being Mexican, decides to drink the 100 shots of tequila first. After downing the last one, he stumbles off to kill the bear.
Several hours later, he returns to Satan and says: "So where is this woman I have to kill?"
Bush, Mandela and the Pope are waiting at the Pearly Gates after they died. St. Peter says: "Depending on your achievements during your lives, you will each get a car. You will race against each other. The winner of the race goes to heaven!"
The pope gets a Ferrari, Mandela receives a Porsche and Bush gets a Golf. The pope and Mandela are as fair as to wait for bush after the first half of the distance.
When Bush still didn't show up after 2 hours, they drive back to look for him, and find him lying on the side of the street, rolling on the floor laughing. They asked him what was so funny.
Bush said: "I just saw Hitler on a tricycle!"
Kevin says to Jim, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm will do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Maggie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Maggie got pregnant again!"
Jim says: "So what you gonna do different this year?"
Kevin says: "This year, I'm taking Maggie with me!"