One day a farmer saw a man on the street and pulled up to his truck, and said: "Hey, do need any help?" "Well, my truck broke down and I was going to take this penguin to the zoo, do you think you could take him?" he asked.
"Sure!" the farmer replied, and took the penguin.
The next day the farmer ran into the guy he saw the last day. The man was shocked: "Uh, I thought you took that penguin to the zoo?!"
"I did, we had such a fun time we're going to the circus today!"
A man went to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked: "What's wrong?"
The man replied: "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked "How can that be?"
The man then pleaded: "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offered: "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied: "Take the poison."
A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man!"
The man then replies: "Well you know, we were married for 35 years!"
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded: "Please, Sir, may we please have our teacher back?"