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such joke

Survey on relationships

On Valentine's Day, a TV channel conducts a survey on relationships.
The reporter asks a pedestrian: "What would you wish your wife or your girlfriend for the future?"
The pedestrian answers: "I wish they will never meet!"

Frog visits a fortune teller

A frog visits a fortune teller. The fortune teller says: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is excited and says: "This is great news! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No!", answers the fortune teller, "Next semester in her biology class!"

Category: Animals • 7 Mar 2017 • by clarkson

Apple thieves

Peter and John stole apples from their neighbour. They don't want to get caught, so they hide in the nearby mortuary. There, they want to split the apples, but they lose two in front of the door.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me", they mumble. The pastor's assistent hears the voices and runs to the pastor to inform him:"Reverend, reverend, I think the mortuary is haunted! God bargains with the devil on who gets the souls!"
The pastor can't believe it, but he agrees to go with his assistent. They hear the voices:"...one for you, one for me, one for you - that's all. Now let's go get the two outside!"

Blind man walking his dog

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed.
The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."

Category: Black Humor • 12 Jan 2017 • by reddit community