An Italian calls his friend in Siberia.
Italian: "How are you?"
Friend: "I'm fine, it's just a bit cold here!"
Italian: "Oh yea, on TV they said there are -40° at your place!"
Friend: "No no, we have -10° here."
Italian: "I'm sure they said it's -40°!"
Friend: "Ah okay. They must be talking about outdoor temperature!"
A police officer in a small town stopped a speeding motorist.
"But, officer...", the man began, "...I can explain!"
"Just be quiet!" snapped the officer. "You're going to jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say..."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said: "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He will be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it!" answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom!"
A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, "Daddy, there's a monster in your bedroom." "There's a what?" "A monster. And he's hidden in mummy's wardrobe." So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried vainly to hide himself behind a rack of dresses. "Twenty years, you've been my friend," bellowed the husband, pulling his former friend out by the hair, "And the best thing you can find to do is frighten my little boy.
On Valentine's Day, a TV channel conducts a survey on relationships.
The reporter asks a pedestrian: "What would you wish your wife or your girlfriend for the future?"
The pedestrian answers: "I wish they will never meet!"