A llama, a penguin and a donkey are captured by the king. Whoever doesn't manage to make him laugh is going to be shot.
The llama is first. It tells jokes for hours, but doesn't get the king to laugh. Thereupon it is shot.
The penguin is next. He also runs with telling jokes, but he doesn't succeed, thus he is shot.
The donkey is next. As soon as he starts telling, the king bursts out in laughter.
The donkey is confused: "I haven't even finished my joke yet!"
The king: "I just figured out the penguin's joke!"
A mafia boss finds out that his accounting clerk bilked him of 10 million dollars. The clerk is deaf, the original idea was that a deaf accounting clerk can't hear anything about mafia business and cannot testify. Because the mafia boss doesn't speak sign language, he brings along his advocate.
The boss asks where his 10 million dollars are. The advocate translates into sign languages and the clerk answers in sign language: "I don't know what you are talking about!"
So the advocate tells the boss that he said "I don't know what you are talking about".
The mafia boss is fed up and draws a 9mm handgun. The advocate signals: "He is going to kill you if you don't tell him."
The clerk signals back: "Ok, ok, the money is a brown suitcase buried in the backyard of my cousin Enzo in Naples!"
The boss asks what he said. The advocate answers: "He said you don't have the courage to shoot!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were trapped on an island. The nearest shore was 50 miles away. First, the redhead tried to reach the shore by swimming. After 15 miles, she was exhausted and drowned. The brunette swam 20 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, felt that she was getting tired and swam back.
A rich man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food!" the poor man replied.
"Oh ... please, come to my house!"
"But Sir, I have a wife and four children!"
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once on the way, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for offering us a free meal!"
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"