Such Quality! Wow!

such joke

Black Humor

Keen on black humor? Here you go!

A man and his friend playing golf

A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man!"
The man then replies: "Well you know, we were married for 35 years!"

After a long night

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer!" she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he asked nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Is it your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Apple thieves

Peter and John stole apples from their neighbour. They don't want to get caught, so they hide in the nearby mortuary. There, they want to split the apples, but they lose two in front of the door.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me", they mumble. The pastor's assistent hears the voices and runs to the pastor to inform him:"Reverend, reverend, I think the mortuary is haunted! God bargains with the devil on who gets the souls!"
The pastor can't believe it, but he agrees to go with his assistent. They hear the voices:"...one for you, one for me, one for you - that's all. Now let's go get the two outside!"

Blind man walking his dog

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed.
The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."

Category: Black Humor • 12 Jan 2017 • by reddit community