Such Quality! Wow!

such joke

Black Humor

Keen on black humor? Here you go!

After a long night

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer!" she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he asked nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Is it your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Apple thieves

Peter and John stole apples from their neighbour. They don't want to get caught, so they hide in the nearby mortuary. There, they want to split the apples, but they lose two in front of the door.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me", they mumble. The pastor's assistent hears the voices and runs to the pastor to inform him:"Reverend, reverend, I think the mortuary is haunted! God bargains with the devil on who gets the souls!"
The pastor can't believe it, but he agrees to go with his assistent. They hear the voices:"...one for you, one for me, one for you - that's all. Now let's go get the two outside!"

The Rabbi will solve the problem

A man went to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked: "What's wrong?"
The man replied: "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked "How can that be?"
The man then pleaded: "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offered: "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied: "Take the poison."

A man and his friend playing golf

A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man!"
The man then replies: "Well you know, we were married for 35 years!"