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Miscellaneous

Here you will find all jokes that don't really fit in other categories. Have fun!

Monster in the bedroom

A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, "Daddy, there's a monster in your bedroom." "There's a what?" "A monster. And he's hidden in mummy's wardrobe." So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried vainly to hide himself behind a rack of dresses. "Twenty years, you've been my friend," bellowed the husband, pulling his former friend out by the hair, "And the best thing you can find to do is frighten my little boy.

Rich man decides to give his wealth away

A rich man was hosting a party at his mansion, but was sick of his wealth and decided to give it away. He filled his swimming pool with alligators and piranhas and didn't feed them for days.
When the party gathered, he announced to the guests: "Whoever jumps into this pool and comes out alive can have all of my cigars!"
No one jumped.
"Anyone who jumps in can have all of my cigars, and all of my cars!"
Still no one jumped.
Undeterred, the man said, "Anyone who jumps in can have my cigars, my cars, and my mansion for free!"
He heard a yell and a splash. He looked into the pool and saw a man fighting the alligators, using kung fu moves and judo to fend them off. After several terrifying minutes of the fight, the man killed the last alligator and jumped out.
"Amazing!" the host said, "When do you want my house?"
"I don't want your house" the man said.
"Okay, then when do you want my cars?"
"I don't want your cars" the man replied.
"Well, then, when do you want my cigars?"
"I don't want your cigars" the man muttered.
"You just jumped into a pool and fought alligators! And you want nothing?"
"You're right, I do want something!"
"Well, what is it then?"
The man scanned the crowd: "I want that bastard that pushed me in!"

The gate between Heaven and Hell

The gate between Heaven and Hell was broken.
St. Peter said to the devil: "It's your turn to fix the gate."
The devil said: "Our heating furnace is broke down here, we ain't got time to mess with that gate!" St. Peter replied: "We have a contract and it's your turn to fix the gate! If you don't fix this gate, we're gonna take you to court and sue you for breach of contract."
The devil said: "Yeah? Where are you going to get a lawyer?"

A guy goes to heaven

A guy goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter asks the guy for the bravest act in his life. The guy tells him: "Well, I spotted a group of guys messing with a girl and I asked them to stop it. When they laughed at me, I picked the biggest one of them, pushed him to the ground and yelled at him to stop."
Saint Peter was visibly impressed. He asked: "Wow, when did you do that?"
The guy says: "About 2 minutes ago!"