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People and Relationships

People are weird, relationships are complicated. The best jokes from our category "People and Relationships"!

Survey on relationships

On Valentine's Day, a TV channel conducts a survey on relationships.
The reporter asks a pedestrian: "What would you wish your wife or your girlfriend for the future?"
The pedestrian answers: "I wish they will never meet!"

Describe me

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

Affair with an exterminator

A woman was having an affair with an exterminator. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband came home early. "Quick!" said the woman to her lover, "hide in the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after searching the bedroom, he discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him. "Erm... I'm an exterminator!" said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in here?" the husband continued to ask. "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths." the man replied.
"Why on earth aren't you wearing any clothes?" asked the husband. The exterminator looked down at himself and said, "Damnit! Those little bastards!"

Prom

So there was this slightly introverted high school student who had never asked a girl to a dance. It's his senior year and he feels that he should go to prom. So he musters up the courage and asks one of his friends. She says yes. Now he has to prepare for the dance.

The next day, he goes to buy his tickets, and there is a huge line. So he waits, and waits, and waits, then he finally gets the tickets.

The next day, he goes with his date to go get a dress. When they get to the store, there is a huge line going out the door. So the wait, they wait, and they wait. Finally, they get to the front and buy a dress.

After this, they go to men's warehouse to get him a suit for the dance, and there is a huge line going out the door. So they wait, wait, and wait. Finally they get in and buy a nice suit.

The next day, he remembers that he needs to order a corsage. So he goes to the local store and there is a huge line. So he waits, waits, and waits until he gets his order in.

Now it's the day before prom and he wakes up and realizes that he forgot to order a limo, so he calls up the limo rental place. All the lines are busy so he decides to go into the place. When he gets there, he sees the line stretching out the door and around the corner. So he waits, and waits, and waits, until finally he was lucky enough to get the very last limo.

So now it's the night of the dance and when they get to the prom, the school is doing mandatory drug testing, so there is a huge line getting into the prom. So the wait, wait, and wait. Finally they get to the front and they both pass their drug tests.

Now the dance was going pretty good for about a half an hour, until he really, really had to go to the bathroom. So he takes off to go, and he sees this huge line going out of the bathroom. He waits, waits, and waits until he finally takes care of his business.

When he comes out of the bathroom, he notices that a crowd has formed around his date. She had just randomly passed out. Someone says to him, "hey, you're her date, go get her some punch." So he goes over to the punch table and thank god, there is no punch line.