A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer stay in a hotel.
The engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed.
Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid.
Then the mathematician awakens, and finds that the embers of the fire are still burning. After giving much thought to the problem, he lights it up to an actual fire. Then he goes back to sleep, satisfied that the problem has been reduced to a previously solved one.
Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. Then the pioneers saw an old Jewish rabbi sitting beneath a tree. "Is there some place ahead where we can get food?" they asked.
"Vell, I tink so", the old man said, "but I wouldn’t go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you’d run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.
"Yah, an bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I vouldn’t go dere."
The leader goes back and tells his people what the rabbi said.
"So why did he say not to go there?", a person asked.
Other pioneers said, "Oh, you know those Jewish people – they don’t eat bacon."
So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from everywhere and massacre all except the leader who manages to escape and get back to the old rabbi.
Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your route but there was no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone but me."
The old Jewish man holds up his hand and says, "Oy, vait a minute." He quickly picks up an English-Yiddish dictionary and begins thumbing through it.
"Oy Gevalt, I made myself such ah big mistake! It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush!"
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair and look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde picked one and got back into her car. Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"