On Valentine's Day, a TV channel conducts a survey on relationships.
The reporter asks a pedestrian: "What would you wish your wife or your girlfriend for the future?"
The pedestrian answers: "I wish they will never meet!"
A llama, a penguin and a donkey are captured by the king. Whoever doesn't manage to make him laugh is going to be shot.
The llama is first. It tells jokes for hours, but doesn't get the king to laugh. Thereupon it is shot.
The penguin is next. He also runs with telling jokes, but he doesn't succeed, thus he is shot.
The donkey is next. As soon as he starts telling, the king bursts out in laughter.
The donkey is confused: "I haven't even finished my joke yet!"
The king: "I just figured out the penguin's joke!"
A man went to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked: "What's wrong?"
The man replied: "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked "How can that be?"
The man then pleaded: "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offered: "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied: "Take the poison."